Honestly I don’t know why I’m in this relationship . Aren’t you supposed to be with someone who makes you happy ? Then why am I upset more that 75% of the time ? I feel like I’m entering a new phase in my life . I’m 19 , and even though thats not old, I’m not a little kid anymore. I’m slowly learning to take care of myself and be independent. Wanna know what I’m excited for ? Not getting high, not partying, not even summer. I’m excited to get a second job & be able to move out and be on my own. Maybe its lame but thats what I wanna do . I wanna know that I can work hard enough to support myself instead of relying on my parents to do everything for me . I’m gonna be 20 next year & I want something to show for it . But despite all this , I still want somebody there . I want somebody whos gonna support me and be there for me . I wanna come home from a stupidass day at work , and someone will listen to me vent about stuff thats totally irrelevant to his life . no im not a clingy person , ive never been the type to be like I NEED A BOYFRIEND OR IM MISERABLE AND WANNA KILL MYSELF . NO , I want a physical and emotional relationship based on love , trust , and communication .To know that when its all said and done , he will be there . and right now , thats not what I have . And i’ve been fighting to hold on to this and to control this relationship cause i figured we’ve came this far i’m not willing to lose him . but i don’t even have him.

I realized I cant make him do anything he doesn’t WANT to do . If he wants to go out with his friends, or ignore my calls, or leave me waiting outside his house for 20 minutes while he gets high , hes going to do that . because he WANTS to. i cant make him call me , or love me , or choose me over his friends. i cant force him to take me out or come see me instead of driving these girls around . at the end of the day hes gonna want to do what he wants to do . & he wants to do him . while on the other hand i wanna do US* . when i look at him i wanna give him the world . i wanna make sure that i can be everythign he wants and needs , that he can always depend on me do be there . im not rich but if i could he wouldn’t worry about a thing cause i got us . yeeah i like going out with friends . but sometimes on a saturday id rather spend the night laying up cuddling with him laughing watching a movie . idk , if that makes me clingy . but thats what i want . to spend time with him . i thought love conquers all . isn’t love supposed to get you thru these obstacles ? but what happens when love is no longer enough ?